


Ineffable Parenting

by ultimatehope



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Parenthood, Pre-Relationship, Raising the Spawn of Satan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimatehope/pseuds/ultimatehope
Summary: What if instead of leaving the fate of the world to chance and an all-out battle between Heaven and Hell, one Angel with his Demonic companion took a more direct approach with influencing the Spawn of Satan / Devourer of Worlds?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Ineffable Parenting

To imagine the end of the world, the end of all the things he enjoyed … he couldn’t go through with it, could he?

But there was a baby cooing in the back of his beloved vehicle and the gas pedal was colliding with the floor. It was while racing through the back roads that Crowley came to a simple realization: He had no one. He had no one he could go to with this dilemma, not even the angel with which his affections had laid with for six thousand years, one of the biggest reasons he didn’t want this world to come to an end.

To imagine being cast away to hell, or whatever the demons wanted to come of this war, and to never see... Him… again... Tears stung the corners of his eyes at the mere thought.

The Bentley came to a sudden stop, and he looked around. It was far from where the baby would be taken, and his breaths came quicker as he tried to figure out exactly where. Then, a knock came to the window. He jerked. His slender fingers were wrapped around the steering wheel with a vicious grip that made his knuckles whiten. His head whipped to the side, and what he saw caused his heart to leap from his chest.

His angel.

Aziraphale!

Whitish blonde curls highlighted by moonlight with eyes -- terribly bright and blue -- staring at him as a single finger tapped the window.

Crowley collected his thoughts and pushed his body backwards, forcing his shoulders to relax before he reached over to roll down the window, “Angel, what in Satan’s name are you doing out here this late?” His heart was still racing and his glasses were sliding down his nose.

Aziraphale wore a quizzical look. He raised an eyebrow and leaned in, “I could ask the same to you, Crowley,” His tone was soft, pure, like music to the demon’s ears, “Should you not be in your flat or causing trouble somewhere? Unless this is where you’ve begun your evening tyrade?”

What started as a snicker was silenced by another sound coming from the basket in the back. Aziraphale’s eyes narrowed.

“Crowley,” His voice became stern as he forced his way into the car, “What do you have in the basket?” He twisted his upper-half before reaching into the backseat. An attempt to stop him ended with Aziraphale giving Crowley’s bony hands a firm slap. He threw the top of the basket open and gasped.

Inside was a baby. A human baby with blue eyes and short curls falling down against pale skin. It was at this moment that a shrill scream ripped through the Bentley as the baby began to cry and throw its arms around.

Aziraphale looked back to the demon in the driver’s seat before scooping the child up with haste. His tone lowered as if it were possible for them to be heard, and he pulled the baby into his embrace, holding him in a protective manner, “Crowley! Where did you steal this baby from? Where are you taking it to?” His full lips curled as his nose scrunched and his eyebrows pushed together. It was about as angry-looking as a chubby bookstore owner could get!

Crowley didn’t know what to say! He had no excuse for having a literal baby in the backseat, and he could only watch as the angel began to coo and rock the Antichrist in attempts to calm him down…

“Angel, this is not what you think it is, and I need you to put the baby back in the basket.” At some point, he removed his ring and started twirling in with anxiety prickling like electricity, “I was going to come to you when I was done and explain everything--”

“Well, explain it now,” came the curt tone of the angel as he continued shushing the baby. He had never been quite a fan of their loud, seemingly aimless antics, preferring to deal with humans much older, but he couldn’t just let this baby wail while falling victim to whatever hellish ideas his companion had!

Crowley hesitated, “I am just the messenger, angel!” He pleaded, “I just need to bring this baby somewhere, nothing else to it--”

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes, “Then, I shall accompany you. Go on, go on, evil serpent, let’s deliver this baby. Where could you possibly be bringing him?”

Crowley hissed from the back of his throat and adjusted his glasses before shoving the car back into drive and slamming on the gas. Aziraphale gasped, but the godforsaken child had finally stopped crying.

And then, the ruse began. The demon’s thoughts were still pulsing as fast as his heart, and he knew for a fact that he couldn’t bring the antichrist where he needed to be, no. He couldn’t do that with Aziraphale in the passenger’s seat. So, when the turn came to finish his mission…

He kept going.

This was bad. Sweat was pooling on his forehead, and any words that the angel said sounded like drums pounding in his ears, but when he looked over at Aziraphale, his heart stopped.

Aziraphale’s smile caused his rounded cheeks to obscure his eyes, and down, he looked upon the antichrist, who looked strangely innocent in this light. He realized that the angel wasn’t lecturing him nor was he even talking to him.

He was having what seemed to be an entire conversation with something that couldn’t talk!

Oh, but the antichrist could giggle, eh?

Crowley reached over with the Bentley slowing to a steady pace. He pulled some of the blanket back to get a better look and that’s when the blonde baby grabbed his finger and squeezed like its life depended on it. All while squeaks and giggles erupted from it.

Aziraphale giggled, as well, and Crowley could only describe the sound as “holy”. He leaned his face down to nuzzle the baby, “We’re gonna get you home, don’t you worry, little one…”

Crowley cringed and yanked his hand away, squeezing the wheel again, “Aziraphale, he doesn’t have a home. In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve just been driving around in bloody circles for the past forty minutes!”

“Oh, heavens, Crowley, what do you mean he hasn’t a home? Where did you get him from!”

He wasn’t going to get out of this without explaining, was he? That’s at least what he decided and with the radio being shoved on, he decided to go somewhere quiet to clear the air and let the angel know that he was nose-to-nose with Satan’s own.

And that’s how they ended up at the quaint bookshop that Aziraphale owned, tied up in the library with the child remaining secured in Aziraphale’s arms. Crowley sat on a lounge across from Aziraphale, on the edge of his seat. His arms flailed as he tried to put into words exactly what was happening. It felt like he was taking Aziraphale’s heart and smashing it into a million pieces. No matter what, he couldn’t seem to just spit it out.

Finally, the serpent-like man switched seats, coming to sit beside his dear friend. He put a hand on one of Aziraphale’s, slender fingers wrapping with pudgier ones as they supported the antichrist’s head. Their eyes met, and Crowley felt great shame. Shame like no demon should ever feel for trying to accomplish dastardly tasks.

“Aziraphale, love--” His tone was gentler than ever, “This little--- thing that we’re coddling right now? It’s… it’s the antichrist.” He finally spit out.

And hearing that changed everything. Crowley could hear the “Get this thing away from me!”, “I can’t believe I touched it!”, “Send it back to hell or wherever it came from!”, and it was as simple as that! He completed his mission and was praised, now the end of the world was mere years away … but none of that actually happened. It wasn’t that simple.

What came out instead was, “Whatever do you mean? Son of Satan himself? It cannot be, look at, just look at him! He’s just a baby…” and that led to Crowley sighing, explaining the rest of his mission in great detail while flopping back against the couch.

What surprised him when he stopped to catch his breath was the angel leaning backwards, pushing right into his embrace with the child resting against his chest, “I cannot imagine it was an accident that I found you out there … I think the end of the world can be stopped.”

“Oh, do you, angel? And tell me how you think we’ll accomplish that…” He groaned so deeply while wrapping a protective arm around him.

“Well, simply, love, we keep the child ourselves.” And like that, he closed his eyes and leaned deeper into Crowley’s embrace, “Look at how sweet this baby is… what if we can change his destiny? What if we can change our own?” He rested a hand in Crowley’s lap, a smile widening when the baby cooed.

“I-- no, angel, raise a child? The antichrist? Satan’s child? I…” He swallowed back, “Angel, no… no, no, no--”

Aziraphale rose from Crowley’s safety, and looked him in the eyes. The sound of fluttering wings broke the human demeanor of the two of them. He adjusted the newborn in his arms and pitched forward so the demon was forced to look at him, “We can’t just go down without a fight… I don’t want any of this to end… I don’t want us to end, and frankly, what’s the worst scenario? The world comes to a quicker end?”

A moment of silence lingered in the air as Crowley felt sirens blasting in his own mind. He didn’t know how to say “no” to those big, blue eyes, regardless of whether they were his angel’s or this child that had a striking familiarity to Aziraphale. As thoughts and pain and hellfire were imagined up in the redhead’s mind…

Aziraphale’s voice rang true, “Well, Crowley?”


End file.
